Play The Fool...

I'd like to take this time out to say that I'm the definite epitome of the word "complicated". As a young black man from DC/Maryland, that's not the "cool" thing to say, ya know? Bammas expect you to be hardcore, cold, emotionless, "M.O.B.", all that other wack shit niggaz is sayin' nowadays. But I'm a grown man with a fully-functional heart, a high intellect, and a good amount of common sense. That being said, I can even acknowledge when I'M the fuck-up. Truth be told, I'm pretty unfair to my daughter's mother. Yes, she fucked up in the past. And yes, I still hold on to it. Am I wrong for doing so? Who knows...some people say yes, some people say no. I've never been the type to really hold a grudge, unless I felt real disrespected. In this case, I felt like that, which is why I've been the way I am. Yet...she's my child's mother. Therefore, we go through the back-and-forth...the good times, the bad times, the good times, the bad times, the good times, the bad times, the lack of speaking, the picking it back up like nothing happened. Shit is wack, I'll admit it. So you're now meeting one of the few black men in 2008 that will admit...I got trust issues, y'all. Granted, I have the right to have them being that I been through a lot of shit with scandalous bitches. I know my moms would probably hate to hear/read my use of the word, and she'll probably see it due to her addiction of stalking my music career and anything about me on the internet, but so be it...the females of my past that did dirty shit to me like they have are bitches, that's just what it is. I don't use the word often, but if the shoe fits, wear it and walk a mile in it, ya know? That being said, the last 2 weeks of my life have had great highs and terrible lows, from personal shit to the music. So excuse my lack of posting, I've just been mentally and physically exhausted. So the blog serves as that release, cuz if not, I'd probably end up on the news for shooting somebody in the face out of frustration. How many of y'all can relate to looking your daughter in the eyes and realizing that she don't recognize you anymore because you've been away doing music? Yeah...didn't think you could. So for anybody that says my actions and words are said for "sympathy" or some shit like that, fuck outta here. I'm just real...I'm honest...if something bothers me, you WILL know, because I don't hide it. Doesn't mean I want an "awwww, poor baby" or a handout from you...just means I don't like something and that's it. Which leads me to another thing...this industry is getting too soft for my liking. Not in the sense of "we need gangsta rap" or some corny shit like that. But the individuals in this business are so fuckin' fickle. I've been known this, but you know...it's not something you quite get used to, or at least not for a dude cut from the cloth I'm cut from. It makes me question whether this is the business I need to be in, because I love making this music, and the people love listening to the music. That's established. But the other B.S. that follows is a hell of a dealbreaker with me. The egos, the images, all of it...and people wonder why I keep to myself. Even people I've treated like family are kinda distancing themselves from me, which is cool, but I see and notice it all, and it makes me change my whole outlook on things. So when y'all see the change in me in the next couple of months, don't think it's superstardom or fame going to my head. Nah...this is me getting ME right, because nobody else is really concerned about what's best for me...at least it doesn't seem like it. Well...a few...thanks to my family...well...some of my family. Candice. Mercy. But yeah, I'mma leave it at that. Gyone.